i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
