what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
