I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
