i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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