We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
