when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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