I think im going to throw up on grandma
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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