my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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