I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
