Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize