When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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