I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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