I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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