you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
