it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Randomize
