New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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