Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
