Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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