You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
