When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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