My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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