Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
