And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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