naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
