Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
