Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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