When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
