if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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