she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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