I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
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