in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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