Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
