listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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