Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
