I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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