it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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