We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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