exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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