i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
