New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
