We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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