I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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