it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
