____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
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so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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