You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
