I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
where are my eyebrows?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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