This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
