Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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