where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
