Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
