he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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