i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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