is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
