The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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