the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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