We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
