so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
