Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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